A — The Rules

Part 34

My wound breaks out like burning fire shut up in my bones, whose flames devour me for days on end, diminishing my strength for times on end and destroying my flesh for seasons on end. The pains fly out towards me and my soul within me languishes even to death. My strength has gone from my body and my heart runs out like water; my flesh is dissolved like wax and the strength of my loins is turned to fear.

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My arm is torn from its socket and I can lift my hand no more;

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My foot is held by fetters and my knees slide like water; I can no longer walk. I cannot step forward lightly, for my legs and arms are bound by shackles which cause me to stumble. The tongue has gone back which Thou didst make marvellously mighty within my mouth; it can no longer give voice. I have no word for my disciples to revive the spirit of those who stumble and to speak words of support to the weary. My circumcised lips are dumb. For the throes of death encompass me and Hell is upon my bed; my couch utters a lamentation and my pallet the sound of a complaint. My eyes are like fire in the furnace and my tears like rivers of water; my eyes grow dim with waiting, for my salvation is far from me and my life is apart from me.

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But behold, from desolation to ruin, and from the pain to the sore, and from the travail to the throes, my soul meditates on Thy marvellous works. In Thy mercies Thou hast not cast me aside; season by season, my soul shall delight in the abundance of mercy. I will reply to him who slanders me

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and I will rebuke my oppressor; I will declare his sentence unjust and declare Thy judgement righteous.

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For I know by Thy truth, and I choose Thy judgement upon me: I delight in my scourges for I hope for Thy loving-kindness. Thou hast put a supplication in the mouth of Thy servant and Thou hast not threatened my life nor rejected my peace. Thou hast not failed my expectation, but hast upheld my spirit in face of the scourge.

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For it is Thou who hast founded my spirit and Thou knowest my intent; in my distress Thou hast comforted me. I delight in forgiveness, and am consoled for the former transgression; for I know there is hope in Thy grace and expectation in Thy great power. For no man can be just in Thy judgement or righteous in Thy trial. Though one man be more just than another, one person more wise than another, one mortal more glorious than another creature of clay, yet is there no power to compare with Thy might. There is no bound to Thy glory, and to Thy wisdom, no measure; to Thy truth there is no.. and all who forsake it..

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and my oppressor shall not prevail against me. I will be a stumbling-block to [those who swallow me up,

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and a snare to] all those who battle against me; I will be for my enemies a cause of shame, and a cause of disgrace to those who murmur against me. For Thou, O my God.. Thou wilt plead my cause; for it is according to the mystery of Thy wisdom that Thou hast rebuked me.

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Thou wilt conceal the truth until its time, and righteousness until its appointed moment. Thy rebuke shall become my joy and gladness, and my scourges shall turn to eternal healing and everlasting peace. The scorn of my enemies shall become a crown of glory, and my stumbling to everlasting might.

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For in Thy.. and my light shall shine forth in Thy glory. For as a light from out of the darkness, so wilt Thou enlighten me. Thou wilt bring healing to my wound, and marvellous might in place of my stumbling, and everlasting space to my straitened soul. For Thou art my refuge, my high mountain, my stout rock and my fortress; in Thee will I shelter from all the designs of ungodliness, for Thou wilt succour me with eternal deliverance.

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For Thou hast known me from my father, and hast chosen me from the womb. From the belly of my mother Thou hast dealt kindly with me, and from the breast of her who conceived me have Thy mercies been with me.

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Thy grace was with me in the lap of her who reared me, and from my youth Thou hast illumined me with the wisdom of Thy judgement.

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Thou hast upheld me with certain truth; Thou hast delighted me with Thy Holy Spirit and hast opened my heart till this day. Thy just rebuke accompanies my faults and Thy safeguarding peace delivers my soul. The abundance of forgiveness is with my steps and infinite mercy accompanies Thy judgement of me.

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Until I am old Thou wilt care for me; for my father knew me not and my mother abandoned me to Thee. For Thou art a father to all the sons of Thy truth, and as a woman who tenderly loves her babe, so dost Thou rejoice in them; and as a foster-father bearing a child in his lap so carest Thou for all Thy creatures. Hymn I thank Thee, O Lord.. and nothing exists except by Thy will; none can consider Thy deep secrets or contemplate Thy mysteries.

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What then is man that is earth, that is shaped from clay and returns to the dust, that Thou shouldst give him to understand such marvels and make known to him the counsel of Thy truth?

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Clay and dust that I am,

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what can I devise unless Thou wish it, and what contrive unless Thou desire it? What strength shall I have unless Thou keep me upright, and how shall I understand unless by which Thou hast shaped for me? What can I say unless Thou open my mouth and how can I answer unless Thou enlighten me? Behold, Thou art Prince of gods and King of majesties, Lord of all spirits, and Ruler of all creatures; nothing is done without Thee, and nothing is known without Thy will.

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Beside Thee there is nothing, and nothing can compare with Thee in strength; in the presence of Thy glory there is nothing, and Thy might is without price.

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Who among Thy great and marvellous creatures can stand in the presence of Thy glory? How then can he who returns to his dust? For Thy glory's sake alone hast Thou made all these things. Hymn Blessed art Thou, O Lord, God of mercy and abundant grace, for Thou hast made known Thy wisdom to me that I should recount Thy marvellous deeds, keeping silence neither by day nor by night!

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For I have trusted in Thy grace. In Thy great goodness, and in the multitude of Thy mercies

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For I have leaned on Thy truth And unless Thou rebuke, there is no stumbling; unless Thou foreknow it, there is no scourge; nothing is done without Thy will.

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I will cling to Thy ways according to my knowledge of Thy truth; contemplating Thy glory I will recount Thy wonderful works, and understanding Thy goodness I will lean on the multitude of Thy mercies and hope for Thy forgiveness.

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For Thou Thyself hast shaped my spirit and established me according to Thy will; and Thou hast not placed my support in gain, nor does my heart delight in riches; Thou hast given me no fleshly refuge. The might of warriors rests on abundant delights, and on plenty of corn and wine and oil; they pride themselves in possessions and wealth. But the righteous is like a green tree beside streams of water, bringing forth leaves and multiplying its branches; for Thou hast chosen them from among the children of men that they may all grow fat from the land.

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Thou wilt give to the children of Thy truth unending joy and everlasting gladness, and according to the measure of their knowledge, so shall they be honoured one more than another.

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And likewise for the son of man..

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Thou wilt increase his portion in the knowledge of Thy truth, and according to the measure of his knowledge, so shall he be honoured.. For the soul of Thy servant has loathed riches and gain, and he has not desired exquisite delights. My heart rejoices in Thy Covenant and Thy truth delights my soul. I shall flower like the lily and my heart shall be open to the everlasting fountain; my support shall be in the might from on high. But.. and withers like a flower before the heat. My heart is stricken with terror, and my loins with trembling; my groaning goes down to the Abyss, and is shut up in the chambers of Hell. I am greatly afraid when I hear of Thy judgement of the mighty Heroes, and of Thy trial of the host of Thy Holy Ones Hymn I thank Thee, my God, for Thou hast dealt wondrously to dust, and mightily towards a creature of clay! I thank Thee, I thank Thee!

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What am I, that Thou shouldst teach me the counsel of Thy truth, and give me understanding of Thy marvellous works; that Thou shouldst lay hymns of thanksgiving within my mouth

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and praise upon my tongue, and that of my circumcised lips a seat of rejoicing?

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I will sing Thy mercies, and on Thy might I will meditate all day long. I will bless Thy Name evermore. I will declare Thy glory in the midst of the sons of men and my soul shall delight in Thy great goodness.

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I know that Thy word is truth, and that righteousness is in Thy hand; that all knowledge is in Thy purpose, and that all power is in Thy might, and that every glory is Thine. In Thy wrath are all chastisements, but in Thy goodness is much forgiveness and Thy mercy is towards the sons of Thy goodwill. For Thou hast made known to them the counsel of Thy truth, and hast taught them Thy marvellous mysteries.

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For the sake of Thy glory Thou hast purified man of sin that he may be made holy for Thee, with no abominable uncleanness and no guilty wickedness; that he may be one with the children of Thy truth and partake of the lot of Thy Holy Ones; that bodies gnawed by worms may be raised from the dust to the counsel of Thy truth, and that the perverse spirit to the understanding which comes from Thee; that he may stand before Thee with the everlasting host and with Thy spirits of holiness,

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to be renewed together with all the living and to rejoice together with them that know. Hymn I thank Thee, my God! I praise Thee, my Rock! For Thou hast made known to me the counsel of Thy truth and hast taught me Thy marvellous mysteries; and hast revealed Thy wonders to me. I have beheld towards the children of grace, and I know that righteousness is Thine, that in Thy mercies there is hope for me, but without Thy grace destruction without end. But a fountain of bitter mourning opens for me, and my tears fall down. Distress is not hidden from my eyes when I think of the inclinations of man, of his return to dust, sin and the sorrow of guilt. They enter my heart and reach into my bones to.. and to meditate in sorrowful meditation. I will groan with the zither of lamentation in all grief-stricken mourning and bitter complaint until iniquity and wickedness are consumed and the disease-bringing scourge is no more. Then will I play on the zither of deliverance and the harp of joy, on the tabors of prayer and the pipe of praise without end.

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Who among all Thy creatures

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is able to recount Thy wonders? May Thy Name be praised by the mouth of all men! May they bless Thee for ever in accordance with their understanding, and proclaim Thee with the voice of praise in the company of the Sons of Heaven! There shall be neither groaning nor complaint and wickedness shall be destroyed for ever; Thy truth shall be revealed in eternal glory and everlasting peace.

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Blessed art Thou, O my Lord, who hast given to Thy servant the knowledge of wisdom that he may comprehend Thy wonders, and recount Thy.. in Thy abundant grace! Blessed art Thou, O God of mercy and compassion, for the might of Thy power and the greatness of Thy truth, and for the multitude of Thy favours in all Thy works! Rejoice the soul of Thy servant with Thy truth and cleanse me by Thy righteousness. Even as I have hoped in Thy goodness, and waited for Thy grace, so hast Thou freed me from my calamities in accordance with Thy forgiveness; and in my distress Thou hast comforted me for I have leaned on Thy mercy.

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Blessed art Thou, O Lord, for it is Thou who hast done these things! Thou hast set hymns of praise

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within the mouth of Thy servant, and hast established for me a response of the tongue. Hymn